And Then There Were Five!!: The one where I make an ass out of myself

You will not believe what you are about to...see??? read??? Yeah. That.

Caution. I'm about to divulge some little known, shocking news. Sit down, lay down, put your head between your knees and wrap your arms around your flotation device people. Whatever will make you feel best after hearing this earth shattering, breaking news. Are you ready?? Ok.. here it goes...

I'm not athletic.

I know. I know. I'll wait while you gather up the home defibrillators...

I'm.... plump as some (a 6 yr old) have said. I know that. I have mirrors here. But eh, it is what it is. I've never been athletic either (ask my parents, they're fond of telling stories) and I have very stringent rules about running that I make very clear. Basically I don't run unless I'm being chased and I will die if I don't run. If I'm going to be mauled by a bear and lose an arm...well they make pretty good prosthetic arms these days. I'll walk quickly thanks.

This past weekend (man it seems like so long ago...) Grayden was invited to his second big kid birthday party, consequently at the same place. It was a party at Pump It Up, which is a huge warehouse type place with carpet and lots of blow up castles, slides, bounce houses etc. It's a really good idea because kids can play in any type of weather, and they do a great birthday party for kids.

The first party was a few weeks ago for my friend Harmony's daughter, Avery. Gary and I had never been to Pump It Up and neither of us knew what to expect. We also had another party to attend afterward, so we were dressed all sorts of wrong for a bounce house event. I was much more prepared for Alex's party, the son of my friend Kim. I knew not to wear a skirt this time, jeans were probably best, and to bring socks for all who were going to participate. Below is a list of my family members that participated:

Me
Grayden
NOT Gary

It's a well known fact that Gary is, indeed, deathly allergic to most kinds of fun, so he didn't participate. We'll call him the Photographer so he doesn't come across as the Creepy Guy Lurking in the Corner.

Grayden went on the slide at the first party with Harmony. I don't think he liked it. It wasn't necessarily anything that Harmony did, he just didn't like it. So naturally I planned to take him on it again. Duh. This time I couldn't see his reaction, but he didn't cry, so he must have liked it right? We did the slide a few times and let me tell you what a nightmare it is for one chunky, out of shape Momma to climb up an inflatable staircase with a rope handle holding a squirmy baby.

Taking Grayden up the giant slide

Ready to come down...

BORING... let's try something else...

After we thoroughly entertained those on the ground with our slide antics, I scoped out the bounce house/basketball thing. Grayden was too little to enjoy that. There was some sort of rock wall thing that I wasn't even going to attempt to go near. The last place to seek entertainment was the obstacle course. And oh how it did not dissappoint.

My intent was to crawl through the hole opening, get myself in and situated and then have Gary hand Grayden to me and I would take him through the rest of it, coming out down the slide at the end. I was sorely mistaken. SORELY MISTAKEN.

Once in I realized that there was no way it would be safe (or possible) for me to take Grayden through. There was some sort of other thing to squeeze through and then a very steep "wall" to climb. I had to go it alone. So Gary stood outside, with Grayden, and took pictures of me making a huge ass out of myself.

Onward with the photographic evidence....